In loving memory of ... my family of
Angels in Heaven.

 

click on the speaker to hear
"I Will Survive" midi
A Song (in midi format) by Gloria Gayner

I am a Survivor!

Why am I a Survivor you ask? Well for many different reasons. I have endured alot during my life time and most of this was when I was young. By the time I was 16 years old. I had lost:

• My father, who passed away when I was 18 months old.
• My maternal grandfather, who passed away when I was 8.
• My mother, who passed away when I was 11.
• My paternal grandmother, who passed away when I was 15.
• My paternal grandfather, I never knew because he passed away before I was ever born.
• Two friends of mine that died in car accidents.
• An ex-boyfriend that shot himself in the head.

Well, most would say this is alot to endure before the age of 16. And I do agree with you there. But, I survived! I endured, held my head up, to the best of my ability and took what God gave me. Sometimes I wonder what I did wrong, to have to go through life the way that I did. Then I stop and think... well... sure, I did have a rough life, but it wasn't that bad either, compared to some people's lives I had a very fulfilling and nice life... considering everything that I went through I really didn't turn out that bad. I mean, it could have been much worse if I hadn't had older sisters and brothers.

My father, I can't tell you much about him because actually I don't remember anything about him except for pictures I have of him. I know that he took good care of me when I was little, I have great pictures of him holding me and pushing me in my carriage and playing with me. I wish that I could have gotten to know him because I know that he was a great man. He was involved in the Lion's Club, Jaycee's, he always gave to Red Cross, he was a police officer.. an ABC Agent to be exact and he was a very well known and liked man, even by the folks he arrested LOL He was a bowler, a square dancer.. I'm not sure there wasn't much that him and my Mom didn't do *S*

My family always took family vacations together, but after my Dad died, we didn't go that often anymore. I mean here's my Mom, raising 4 kids who are 14, 13, 8 and 18 months old... by herself! Not to mention that right after my sister was born, the one that is 7 years older than me.. they found a brain tumor in my Mom and said if she lived 2 years it would be a long life. Needless to say, they were wrong, she lived 18 years. Which leads me to her story.

My Mom.... I didn't get to spend a long time with her, but enough time to know that my Mom was a great and wonderful person. She couldn't hurt anyone's feelings if she tried. She volunteered for everything! She was always there for me and she was always there for anyone that needed her. I knew something was wrong with her when I was little, but I just thought she had seizures because of her epilepsy (which of course was from the brain tumors). I didn't know that she still had a tumor and that she could die anytime. No one ever told her, that they didn't get all the tumor out, no one ever told me, and no one ever told any of us kids. What a shock when I woke up that morning and tried to wake her and she was in a coma. Remember.. I was 11... She was in the one hospital for awhile, then she was taken to another hospital and they removed all the tumor this time, but she never came out of the coma, she died in the recovery room on December 1, 1976. I miss her every single day of my life. I want to have mother daughter talks and let her see her Grandkids. She never got to see any of her grandkids, she died 10 months before her very first grandson was born. I just hope that she is looking down from heaven and can see her great big family that she has now.. us 4 kids and 6 grandsons.

Now for both my Grandfather's, like I said earlier, I never met my paternal grandfather, he was walking down the side walk in town around the square one day back in the 1940s and a drunk driver ran over him and killed him. (the probable reason why my dad chose to be a police officer) My maternal grandfather, I really don't remember that much about him except that he was very sick and my Grandmother was having to take care of him. He died when I was 8.

My paternal Grandmother lived with us. She was a feisty lady, she used to go to the neighbors house every night, or they would come to our house and they played cards up till midnight and later LOL We are talking about 4 little old ladies now hehehe all in their 80s. They loved to play Rook. She got really sick after my mom died and got hardening of the arteries and would forget to take her medicine. I was 12 at the time and my sister who was 25 was raising me and we were gone all day so we ended up having to put her in the nursing home after she got sick because we weren't home all day to take care of her. I wish to this day we had all been older, because we could have taken care of her then. She passed away in her sleep in March of 1981. She was born in 1889!!

Now for non family things, I had a couple of friends die in car wrecks, I had an ex boyfriend that I had dated for over a year to shoot himself in the head and kill himself.. in front of his mom at that!! I have had many a heart breaks and many heart aches, even today I grow more sensitive about things that just break my heart. I have had good times and alot of bad, but I try to make the best of any situation. People say that I laugh alot.. well I do, this is my tool LOL I get nervous or upset about something and I try to laugh about it. Sometimes I can't help myself.. I get so nervous I just start giggling!!

My most recent heart ache, was August 1999. My Grandmother.. sweetest lady that I have ever known in my entire life. She fell and broke her hip in DEC 96 at age 91.. and bounced right back. She fell and broke her other hip DEC 98 at age 94 and didn't bounce back so well. I lived in GA and she needed us to help her now. After all these years of living alone and not needing any one for anything .. she needed us. I packed up the family and we moved back in March 99. In August she had a mild heart attack and when she fell she broke her pelvis. This time she is not doing well at all. She has given up. She spent a week in the hospital and then went to rehab and had a mild stroke. She was due to be released Sept 8 and on Sept 7 she obviously had another stroke.. she went down hill fast.. so we moved fast and got her home, because we promised her that she would not be in any type hospital when she ever died. We got her home at about 5 pm and she died at 11:15 PM on Sept 7, 1999 just 9 days before her 95th birthday. She just wanted to see the year 2000, that was her goal, she said she's lived through all of this century and she just wanted to see the next. I will miss her so very much and I am still dealing with this and probably will for awhile now. All her family was with her though in her final moments.. we were all taking turns holding her hand and standing by her bed.

I have to tell you all though, if you have not heard of Hospice, these are the greatest people on earth, they got everything ready for us and were so caring and supportive and they told us that she would not make it through the night, so we were there with her and she knew we were there although she couldn't respond to us.

Yes, I wish I had my parents and grandparents more than anything in this world. I miss them more than anyone can ever imagine .... I don't show alot of emotion about these things sometimes. But, I do know that every single one of them were good, decent people, and that they are in heaven together right now, so I know they are all happy and one day I will see them again.

Below is a link to a page that my Net Sisters made for me when my Grandmother passed away. I think it was the sweetest think anyone could have ever done for me. I also received some wonderful gifts from them as well.

For Carla